Repoonzel (Carly and Blake collaboration)

Here lies the story of Rapoonzel

The dark widowed mistress

Held up in her tower

Whines sipping wine

Can’t even find the time to shower

Or shave, wax, or pluck

Rapoonzel’s long mane

That protects her love canyon

Matted and braided in vain

While she waits for her Prince

Flaccid Penn Isaac

As he rides on his stallion

Getting closer to his Princess Poon

He yells up to cupid’s cupboard

“Rapoonzel, Rapoonzel

Let down your bearded clam

Let the world see you wet mangy hair

Hair of great poon

You’ve been growing so long

Nurtured and aged

The time has come today

To build up the courage

Lay out your carpet

That matches the drapes

Let me climb up the bush

And into your cave

Golden Olive

I wasn’t always this pale

In fact someone called me black once

After a long day of running around in the summer sun

Out by the pool on the golf course

I wasn’t always this thin either

In fact some people called me “chunky”

Or chubby or even fatty

Back in my younger school days

I’ve come to except pale over time

After looking in the mirror long enough

And deciding baking out in sunrays is overrated

I now call myself Golden Olive

Makes me feel good about my pasty coloring

I haven’t quite accepted my thinness so well

It’s shocking when people call me little

Who me? I always reply

Maybe if people had made fun of my tan instead of my weight

I wouldn’t have such a warped view on reality

And its not that I don’t I eat

I eat all day long

Another day another corn dog

That’s what I always say

Cereal. Smoothie. Turkey burger. Veggies. Fruit. PB&J.

Not always in that order

Instead I still see

Chubby Chunky Fatty

Words embedded in my head

Only now I’m pale as if being fat wasn’t hard enough