Repoonzel (Carly and Blake collaboration)

Here lies the story of Rapoonzel

The dark widowed mistress

Held up in her tower

Whines sipping wine

Can’t even find the time to shower

Or shave, wax, or pluck

Rapoonzel’s long mane

That protects her love canyon

Matted and braided in vain

While she waits for her Prince

Flaccid Penn Isaac

As he rides on his stallion

Getting closer to his Princess Poon

He yells up to cupid’s cupboard

“Rapoonzel, Rapoonzel

Let down your bearded clam

Let the world see you wet mangy hair

Hair of great poon

You’ve been growing so long

Nurtured and aged

The time has come today

To build up the courage

Lay out your carpet

That matches the drapes

Let me climb up the bush

And into your cave

Golden Olive

I wasn’t always this pale

In fact someone called me black once

After a long day of running around in the summer sun

Out by the pool on the golf course

I wasn’t always this thin either

In fact some people called me “chunky”

Or chubby or even fatty

Back in my younger school days

I’ve come to except pale over time

After looking in the mirror long enough

And deciding baking out in sunrays is overrated

I now call myself Golden Olive

Makes me feel good about my pasty coloring

I haven’t quite accepted my thinness so well

It’s shocking when people call me little

Who me? I always reply

Maybe if people had made fun of my tan instead of my weight

I wouldn’t have such a warped view on reality

And its not that I don’t I eat

I eat all day long

Another day another corn dog

That’s what I always say

Cereal. Smoothie. Turkey burger. Veggies. Fruit. PB&J.

Not always in that order

Instead I still see

Chubby Chunky Fatty

Words embedded in my head

Only now I’m pale as if being fat wasn’t hard enough

Maybe Partying Will Help

Population Control

Have you ever stopped to think about disease

The way it works in such mysterious ways

Attacking all

at random

without one word

I’ve thought this over many a time

And it seems to me a reasonable answer

What if the gods above do not approve

Of the shenanigans that’s been going on around these parts

Mother nature is tired of the way we treat her

So she strikes

one by one

Keeping us all on our toes

So wouldn’t it be

funny, wild, strange

If all of these diseases

Incurable indeed

Simply

Our world’s way

Of getting rid of us

Tormenting each

The Sick, the family, the friends

As we have tormented her

Everything that she loves most

Her earth

Her prized gift to us

“Our World”

And in her defense

Its simply population control

Ode to My Velvet Red Robe

I asked for one thing for my birthday

Make it two

A fancy party

And a velvet red robe

Marti didn’t disappoint

Who am I kidding

She never does

Folded mindlessly

On an old velvet green love seat

Lay my velvet red robe

With golden touches of flowers

On the bottom, collar, and cufflings

Slipped it on

As quick as can be

Buttoned the two buttons

Just around the neck

And tied her up nice

I looked at my reflection

Only to find

An emperor

Of some Asian democracy

He quickly transformed

Into none other then

Hugh Hefner himself

Surrounded by saucy big boobed bunnies

With cute little tails

I shook my head

In complete disbelief

And when Halloween

Came around

Not so long ago

A vampire emerged

Blood dripping down

From my sharp glued in teeth

I spooked em all

Screaming “Countess Dracula…

She’s so Spo0o0o0oky”

Whoever I may be

It’s the robe

That makes it

More than possible

To jump in disguise

As a ruler, a pimp, or a blood sucking whore

To be honest

I've really grown

to like them all

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